For the ones who had a notion
A notion deep inside
That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive
I wanna find one face that ain’t looking through me
I wanna find one place
I wanna spit in the face of these Badlands.
~ Springsteen, Badlands.
So why her, what does she have that’s so special? What makes it all worth the long separations, the heartache, and the not inconsiderable expense?
These are questions I’ve honestly never bothered to ask myself, not – as you may think – for fear of what might lay coiled within the answers, but because those answers have always been self-evident. No one else has ever made me feel this way and no one else has ever taken the time to really know me.
I’ve experienced loving relationships, but no other love has come as close to me – the real me – as this Jersey girl. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been waiting for someone to really see me, not just the projection of their own ideal; me.
Almost immediately, I could tell I’d found what I’d been searching for. No matter what I revealed about myself, she always got it. There was never a need for convoluted explanations or long winded justifications. She heard me clearly and, through her insights, even lent context to events from my past that gave me a new understanding of my own life’s journey.
That’s the key, I think. Where the connection runs both ways, you each learn about yourselves even as you are learning about the other. Perhaps none of this would be all that important to a lot of people, but for us it was paramount; essential.
Through all those marathon Skype sessions, we penetrated the hidden layers beneath the outer skin; all we’d ever allowed others to see. We peeled each other down to our raw emotions the way physical lovers peel away each other’s clothes in the heat of passion. It was reckless and at times frantic.
And it was glorious.
Connection like that becomes something like an addiction. After a lifetime of lesser relationships, we were both over-ripe fruit ready to be plucked, unafraid of the bruises that might ensue. Along the way, we discovered some things about ourselves and each other that were truly shocking. When you dig deep, long-forgotten secrets get uncovered.
No matter how deep or dark things became, however, we never veered from the course we were on. It was all or nothing now and neither of us had any intention of blinking.
And that’s why she’s the one; the girl I’m going to marry.
Image used is my own.