Carries saints and sinners
Carries losers and winners
Carries whores and gamblers
Carries lost souls
I said this train…
Dreams will not be thwarted
Faith will be rewarded
Springsteen, Land of Hope and Dreams
There are so many variables in life, so many alternative narratives. How did we end up here? It messes with my mind when I think about all the moments that had to fall into line for us to even become aware of each other, let alone fall in love.
She was neck deep in a miserable, loveless marriage when we first met; struggling with a narcissistic husband who was making her life a living hell.
I had been single for several years after my long-term relationship (not the one with my son’s mother) had ended abruptly. That experience had gotten me thinking that perhaps a life of solitude might be the best thing for me.
The best-laid plans of rodents and men Gang aft agley.
We met on line, both commenting on the same thread. I forget what it was about now, but I liked what she had to say and soon we had become friends. That was it, there were no ulterior motives on my part, I just liked her and wanted to stay in touch. And that’s how it went for just over a year. I won’t deny I found her fascinating; attractive too. That wasn’t the point, though, she was married and that was that as far as I was concerned.
I had no idea how miserable she was with that man. I’ve had contact with him since then and get it completely now. He’s the most appalling, petty minded, amoral creature I’ve had the misfortune to meet. I see the torture he put her through, still tries to put her through, I totally understand why she absolutely had to get out. It had always been the kids that had kept her there but as time had gone by, she’d started to fear for their safety. He was just too unstable; too erratic. She began to take stock of her situation.
Something about our interactions had shown her a different kind of world to the one she’d always known. Her husband was not the first sociopath to enter her life, both of her mother and father were narcissists (and worse) and like so many victims of such parents, she’d continued the pattern in her relationships.
I don’t think even she could say exactly how long she’d been ready to leave him before I came along. From my own perspective, I’d felt a growing attraction to her from the beginning but always told myself she’s married and you’re no home wrecker. That’s what kept me honest through that entire first year.
She, of course, knew I liked her more than I showed and it was the fact that, despite those feelings, I still never attempted anything untoward that proved to her not all men lack a sense of honor.
Not long after that epiphany, she finally found the strength to end her oppressive and emotionally abusive marriage. And from the ashes of that sad relationship’s funeral pyre, something quite beautiful took wing.
Considering that throughout all of this we were only in contact via type, it’s probably hard for you, the reader, to comprehend how such a monumentally life-changing decision could even have been contemplated, let alone acted upon.
How could she possibly have known that you were even worth overturning her entire life for?
That’s the question isn’t it? And it’s not an easy one to answer. I saw a quote the other day; when you think about life and the universe, think in terms of frequencies. It caught my eye because that’s how I generally do think. Frequencies and vibration are how I see the world.
We all have our own unique vibrations and I believe that, when we encounter another whose vibration resonates with our own, there is an almost magnetic attraction. Meeting Jersey girl taught me that this can happen even when all you know of another is what they have written.
The first year of communication between us was done entirely via written word. After that, we had a year where we only talked on Skype and never once used the video function. Only after we physically met did we go to video. And yet, before that first meeting, both of us knew we had found our life mate.
Vibrations, frequencies these energies are what truly govern the heart. And just as with quantum mechanics where particles resolve into waves only when we observe them, once two hearts become attuned, once two souls have made a connection, no physical contact is required for the vibrational love song to commence. Our song began to play the day we both commented on that thread and has never missed a beat since.
The term ‘soulmate’ gets thrown around quite a lot these days, to the point where it has come to be regarded by many as a gauche idea. However, the connection we have made defies any attempt to trivialize it. Simply put, we fell in love across a vast distance and what we recognized almost at once was that our souls had somehow always been connected, it was just our minds and bodies that needed to catch up.
*Sorry, had to be done.
Words and images are my own.